


long live the car crash hearts

by pinkpunkmetal (orphan_account)



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, so dont expect anything too good, unedited as fuck btw this is a vent one shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:54:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21597217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/pinkpunkmetal
Summary: a small one shot where virgil is basically me because my mental health is screwed up and i need comfort and this is my coping mechanism. unedited.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders
Comments: 15
Kudos: 89





	long live the car crash hearts

“Virgil?” Roman called out when he entered Virgil’s room. 

To say that the room was a mess was an understatement - clothes and half-full takeout boxes littered the room. The blinds were drawn shut, and the curtains that usually were pinned back now laid closed shut over the windows, the room almost fully dark except for a small night light plugged into a corner opposite from the bed. 

Roman and Virgil hadn’t seen each other in almost two weeks by now, and maybe he was being too anxious, but he just knew something was off, so he decided to enter Virgil’s apartment with the key Virgil himself had given him for emergencies. 

“Roman?” He heard a small voice call from under the covers of Virgil’s bed. 

Roman switched the lights on, and he heard Virgil hiss as his head poked out of the covers, his hair messily hanging out of the hood of the sweatshirt he was wearing. 

“Why are you here?” Virgil mumbled, his eyes squinting and his face scrunched up in an effort to adjust his eyes to the light 

“Why am I here? Virgil, you haven’t talked to me in two weeks, I was worried to death!” 

“It’s fucking been two weeks?” 

“Virgil, what’s going on?” Roman said with a sigh, clearly frustrated. 

“I haven’t been feeling like myself lately” 

Roman knew about Virgil’s struggles with his mental health - of course he did - that didn’t change the fact that it had never been this bad. 

Virgil sat up in bed, his blanket pooling at his waist, where the hoodie he was wearing slipped upwards, revealing that Virgil wasn’t wearing pants, just a pair of old black boxers and his favorite hoodie. 

Roman sat down next to Virgil in bed, and hugged him briefly, kissing his forehead, chasing the contact he missed during the time they had spent apart. 

“Baby” Roman started, using a pet name he knew Virgil loved “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” 

“I feel disconnected. Unplugged. I’m exhausted and I can’t bring myself to eat or sleep or even think and this is the first time I sat up in the past two days. I’m a mess and I’m not myself anymore and i just wanted to lock myself away so I did. I got out of bed just to go to work and then I’d crash right back in bed and I can’t even remember the last time I ate something normal or the last time I showered.” Virgil sighed, his words slurring slightly at the end of his sentence.

Roman found himself wordless, and he just placed a hand on Virgil’s thigh, half out of habit and half to let himself get some time to think about what he wanted to say - a simple I’m sorry didn’t cut it. 

He was about to speak, when he glanced down at his hand for a moment, and he noticed a mark that looked an awful lot like a wound - a cut, maybe? Roman thought - on the skin of Virgil’s upper thigh that was now poking out of the top of the blanket. 

“What’s that?” Roman asked, pulling the covers off Virgil before he could say anything to try to explain. 

Thin silver lines crossed the skin on his thighs, some from left to right, some vertically, some were crooked and some were jagged, like someone made them with a blade too blunt to cut through the skin, some scars somewhat rounder than others, from cigarette burns, Roman supposed,

Roman reached for Virgil’s leg again, his face sporting an expression unreadable to Virgil, his face oddly calm but not in a way that made him actually look like that at all. His hands were trembling, but he did his best to keep them still. 

Virgil brought his knees up to his chest, swatting Roman’s hand away from him with a little more force than he probably intended to, his lips pressed into a tight line, clearly uncomfortable with Roman’s intentions. 

“Don’t touch me” He snarled, and Roman instinctively got up and took a step back. 

“Who did this to you?” He asked dumbly, knowing full well that those on his skin could only be self inflicted wounds.

Virgil stayed silent, his head hung low, his face now hidden by his hair, his body visibly tense. 

Roman inched closer to him again, and this time Virgil let him. He sat next to him on the unmade bed, and hugged him close to his chest, pressing a kiss into his greasy hair. 

“Can I see?” Roman asked carefully in the sweetest tone he could muster at the moment, trying to reassure Virgil that he wouldn’t get judged or mistreated. 

Virgil’s head snapped up, his eyes now redder than before, an almost silent gasp that made Roman’s guts coil up in the worst kind of way possible - his heart felt like it could shatter at any moment - leaving Virgil’s lips. 

He slowly unfolded his legs, stretching them over Roman’s lap. 

He analyzed the skin, looking over every single scar and yet to be healed wound, one of them catching his eye almost instantly. It was red and slightly raised, the skin surrounding it still smeared with now dried up blood. It stood there, raw and angry, and Roman almost flinched at the sight of it, everything he wanted to say about it getting caught at the back of his throat, his mind melted away by the sadness that came over him, because _ how could someone suffer so much? _

He got up quickly, careful not to hurt Virgil in any way, and walked into his bathroom, coming back out of it moments later with a damp towel and a box of bandaids in his hand. 

“Come here” he said, sitting back into his previous spot. 

Virgil propped his legs back up into Roman’s lap, hissing when Roman started to clean away at his wound. 

“I’m sorry” Roman apologized instantly, placing one of the bigger bandaids present in the box onto the cut once he deemed it clean enough not to make him anxious and worried about his boyfriend getting an infection.

He looked up from Virgil’s thigh, and locked eyes with him, everything he wanted to say getting lost again in the sad shimmer of Virgil’s eyes. His guts twisted once again and his heart shattered over and over again because he hadn’t realized just how wrecked he was, the usual peachy glow behind his skin was lost to a sickly white-green pallor, his lips were cracked and bloody from where his teeth had dug into them, his eyes sunken in and circled with almost fully black shadows and his hair matted with sweat and dirt and god knows whatever else, and nothing about him resembled the happy and quick witted version of him that Roman was used to seeing and fell in love with. 

“Aren’t you repulsed by me now?” Virgil asked in the smallest of voices, making Roman’s heart shatter completely inside his chest. 

“I mean, look at me, I’m a mess” He continued, tears threatening to spill down his face once again. “I’m a mess” He repeated, a stray tear rolling down his face. He wiped it away and covered his face with his hands quickly, as if that would make the mortifying fact of Roman knowing one of his deepest secrets go away. 

“I’m not” He said simply, his voice cracking slightly, his head still swarmed by emotions he didn’t know how to deal with or how to put into words. “I’d never leave you over something like this” 

“I’d never leave you over something like this,” He breathed heavily, as if repeating his previous statement would help Virgil’s wounds heal faster.

“I’d never leave you over something like this, and I know that I’m probably not the best person to help you through this and we’re going to get you help from someone who can, okay?” 

Virgil nodded, his eyes widening with what Roman supposed was fear - or better, anxiety. 

“I meant it when I said I loved you, and I’m not backing out right now” 

  
  



End file.
